Fill up to Spill out

I have always been someone that does things the hard way and learns things the hard way as well.   I often take on huge projects and pursue big goals just so I can figure out how to do them and ultimately accomplish them for myself.  I believe that I can do hard things even when they sometimes end up overwhelming me.  This independent, hard-working, driven (and yes stubborn and crazy) side of me gets things done and doesn't give up, but it also sometimes results in disappointment and frustration.  Instead of asking for help or seeking counsel from others, I do it the hard way - the long, painful hard way, only to find out there was a much easier way.  I live and learn, become stronger and smarter, but sometimes in the absolutely toughest way.  But that's how we grow, right? I am also this way when it comes to people.  I like to believe that all people are good.  I seek out the good while overlooking certain things that bother others and sho...

What an absolutely crazy time we are living through right now.  6 months ago, we were excited about a new year and a new decade, reminiscing over the last 10 years and looking forward to next.  We were making plans, filling up calendars, setting goals, and vision casting for the future.  We were definitely not planning for a global pandemic, an economic crisis as a result, or the protests and in some cases destruction and looting over racial injustice and inequality.   The last 3 months have been different and challenging and emotionally exhausting for many.  Over 100,000 people in our country have lost their lives due to COVID 19, millions have lost jobs, businesses have been forced to close, everything has gone virtual, masks have become the newest accessory, social distancing has become the new "norm," and we continue to live in a country where racial injustice and hate still exists. Never in my life have I gone 3 months without physically going to chu...

Last year around this time, I came up with this crazy idea of writing my very first book.  My pastor was in his final year of battling cancer, and one thing he would often tell us was to never leave this earth without sharing our story and our testimony.  In fact he would jokingly tell us that if he was the one to do our funeral and found out we had never shared our testimony with anyone, he would thump us on the forehead.  He definitely had a sense of humor, but he was also so good about being transparent and encouraging, showing us not only how to live well, but also how to die well too.  He shared painful lessons of sin and forgiveness, growth and change, fear and faith, bitterness and God's love during the 20 years I knew him.  He taught in a way that was both challenging and inspiring, and we adored him.   I've always been a lover of books and reading other people's stories.  There's something about reading someone's personal journey through l...

We all have questions and concerns about Covid 19 whether we are being directly affected by the virus itself or the way that the world is responding to it.  For me, besides the fear of losing my job or my job as I know it, my 2nd greatest concern is what this is doing to our kids. We are all experiencing loss during this pandemic, and our kids are no exception.  They too feel the personal loss of life the way they knew it.  We as parents are not only navigating life through our own feelings of loss, but also taking on our children's emotions as they experience loss. Loss of school, teachers, friendships, sports and activities, church, community, awards and accomplishments, graduation and celebrations, events they had been looking forward to, routines and structure.  Our kids are also experiencing great loss. What is this doing to our kids?  Will they look back on 2020 and remember the loss, hardships, stress, fear, change, and uncertainty?  Or wil...

It's been 46 days since Covid 19 literally turned our world upside down (and even more days since it all began).... 46 days ago spring break ended and my husband and kids were supposed to return to work and school, but sadly that never happened.  Everything changed.  Weeks later very few things feel familiar, except that I am still getting up and going to work 4 days a week, but like everything else my work is also very different.   I've tried to remain positive and hopeful during this crazy time.  I've consumed motivational content, reached for joy in the chaos, tried to stay grounded in my morning routine and habits while encouraging others to do the same, but it's not always easy.  I too have tough days.  Nothing about this is easy.  Whether it's the virus itself or the challenges it's created through stay at home orders and all this social distancing that has been required to slow the spread of the virus, it's difficult.  A couple of week...

As a healthcare provider still going to work during the coronavirus pandemic, I see the toll that all of this fear, uncertainty, change, and social distancing is taking on our mental health.  People are experiencing more anxiety, depression, insomnia, fatigue, loneliness, and overwhelm.  Even those of us who are safe and well and not personally affected by the virus itself are still feeling the affects of having to spend more time at home, change the way we do things, and practice social distancing.  Nothing feels normal, and it's unclear if anything will ever get back to "normal." A lot of us are used to being BUSY.  We thrive on being busy, productive, and having goals and plans.  We love routine.  We love predictability.  We love a full calendar filled with activities.  This "being still" thing is hard.  We are mourning the loss of community and all the things that filled our days.  Coronavirus has wiped our calendars clean. ...

When I starting writing around this time last year, I didn't really know what I was doing, but I knew I wanted to share my story with my girls.  My pastor always told us to never leave this earth without sharing our testimony.  As his cancer journey was coming to an end last year, I felt inspired to share my own story as he had always been so good at sharing his.  He taught us how to not only live well, but to die well too, and oh, how we miss him.   It started with me typing a few chapters about my childhood, growing up as a farmer's daughter, those oh so wonderful teenage years, my family (especially my grandparents who are no longer with us), my faith, some of my struggles with anxiety and overcoming fear and failures, and ending with our love story and of course the birth of our girls.  It was a bit of a memoir, filled with all my recollections of life so far.  It was definitely not "book material" at first (it was awful, really awful), but I kept wri...